


High School Barisi

by icedcoffeebro



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - High School, Dorks in Love, Fluff, M/M, Meet-Cute, References to Canon, Suggestions welcome, They're not in a catholic school but they're both catholic, Vignette, prompts, squad appearances - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2019-11-04 19:38:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17904308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icedcoffeebro/pseuds/icedcoffeebro
Summary: Several works, different prompts. All from Barisi in High School.1. Sonny finds Rafael singing in the restroom.2. Sonny is tech, Rafael is an understudy. They immediately have a connection.3. Sleepover at Olivia’s, they cuddle





	1. Sing!

**Author's Note:**

> So basically I love HS AUs so here, have some HS Barisi, they're the same age  
> 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny goes hide in the restroom, and he happens to meet someone he’s been wishing to for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg I wrote this at 2 am after working on a 3D model for 8 hours and just wanting to finally publish an actual barisi (i'm writing a judge barba/ada sonny au and a trans!sonny au atm but they're LONG–stay tuned tho). i hate myself.

Sonny Carisi hated Chemistry. It made him feel dumb and reminded him of how much of a loner he was thanks to lab. On a particularly boring slideshow about chromosomes, he decides to bail out for some minutes by requesting the hall pass and heading to the bathroom located on the other side of campus, just to lose even more time.

He doesn't actually need to pee, so he gets inside one of the stalls and takes out his phone as he leans against the wall. The school's wi-fi blocks every social media, so he clicks on the browser app and looks up 'wikiHow', his goal for the current bathroom expedition being to find the weirdest drawing of a family sitting around a table. Kind of a one man scavenger hunt. He does these things regularly, specially during classes like Research Methodology and Algebra, which don't interest him whatsoever. 

While scrolling through 'How to meet your girlfriends parents' and stopping on a picture of what appeared to be the 'boyfriend' teaching the girlfriend's dad how to tie a shoe, he heard the heavy door to the restroom open. The other guy was breathing heavily, clearly panicking, mumbling to himself something about performances. Sonny turns his attention to listening to the stranger beyond the door; who locks himself up on the stall in front.

 _'Does anyone use this place for shitting?'_ Sonny thinks, and he smirks at his own joke. 

The other guy takes a deep breath, and exhales it by grunting loudly. Sonny wonders what's going through his mind. He considers asking him, but decides against it. It's weird when the guy locked on the stall in front of yours tries to make small talk, even if neither one of you is shitting. He hopes he's not having a panic attack, Sonny knows how awful they can be, he had come several times in the last year to the same stall where he was currently in to have a panic attack in private; usually after being bullied by Bobby Bianchi, his own personal tormentor.

Sonny was zoning out thinking about the abuse he suffered at the hands of Bianchi, but something really odd drags him back to reality.

The mystery guy was... singing? Sonny was perplexed. Who goes to a stall to sing?

At first, the other guy was just singing at talking voice, but as the song goes on, he rises his volume. Sonny then recognizes the song, and the whole thing becomes even more absurd.

 _He's singing a show tune._ Because he has three sisters who love to drag him to musicals on family quality time, Sonny is able to recognize it as the song where the witch flies in _Wicked_. The song is meant to be sung by a woman, and the guy misses the high notes, but overall, in Sonny's untrained ears opinion, he's not bad at it. The guy keeps going until he finishes the song on a note that falls flat due to him still being in puberty. He's breathing heavily as he ends, and Sonny claps. The guy screams in fright, probably not having realized there was someone else in the stalls. 

"Sorry! Didn't meant to scare you!" Sonny says, his strong accent coming out, he sees the whole situation as ridiculous, two guys, anonymous behind the doors of the school's stalls, one of them just done giving the performance of his life, while the other is just avoiding responsibility.

"Uh, thank you," the other guy's talking voice is smooth and it causes Sonny to smile, "I... uh, had never had an audience?"

"Well, lucky me," Sonny grins, feeling confident with the anonymity between them. "So, can I know your name? I'd love to tell my friends about the upcoming star gracing our school"

The other guy snorts, "I'd prefer if you didn't do that," he says, he stays quiet for a moment, considering, "uh, I'm gonna come out of the stall, if you want to know who I am?"

Sonny feels a rush of excitement running through his veins, he might be seconds away from making a new friend. And God, does he need one.

He hears the stall in front open, and he unlocks his own. The first thing that catches his attention are his eyes, green and tired.

_Fuck._

It's Rafael Barba. The guy Sonny has been admiring from afar for the past three months. He bites his lower lip, trying to stop a dorky smile from happening.

"Uh, I'm Rafael," he says, a bit unsure of himself, embarrassed after what had just happened with him belting a song meant for a mezzo, "You are?"

Sonny's heart stings a little upon learning that his crush doesn't know who he is already, but it was what was to be expected, they didn't share any classes or extracurriculars, and Sonny was a nobody. Just a tall, scrawny kid. "Uh, Dominick Carisi Jr." Rafael rises one eyebrow, "Call me Sonny"

"Alright, so" Rafael claps his hands together, " _Sonny?_ Would you please, please not tell anybody what you witnessed? It'd ruin me. I'm the president of the debate team; I'd never hear the end of it."

"Your secret is safe with me," Sonny mockingly puts one hand on his heart, the other up as an oath sign, Rafael doesn't laugh.

"Sonny, please," he looks deeply into Sonny's eyes, who swears to himself he found the love of his life here, on a bathroom, "I'm begging you,"

"I promise," Sonny says, Rafael gives him a warm smile, he breaks eye contact by looking down to his shoes.

"Well, thank you _Dominick_ " he lightly teases, finally relaxing, as he walks towards the door leading to the hallway "See you around?"

As Rafael opens the door, Sonny decides to be bold "Wait!" he says, louder than intended, "Could we maybe... talk after school?" he says, hoping Rafael catches on to the tone he's suggesting this in.

The smirk on his face suggests that he does, "Of course, sunshine," he gives an earnest smile, "I'll see outside of the fence at three" he winks at Sonny as he leaves the restroom.

Sonny loved learning that his unattainable crush who usually displayed a cool persona had a dorky, musical loving side, and could hardly wait other three hours to learn even more about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @adarafabarba
> 
> This is such a dorky prompt but I had to do it omg. I feel its all over the place but iT'S OKAY. feel free to suggest any HS Prompt i'll be happy to write it.


	2. Fleeting Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny is part of the tech team in theatre, and Rafa is the understudy for the main role. They bump into each other more than once.
> 
> Taken from my brain during Stop-Motion class. 
> 
> TW for mentions of parental abuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder none of the stories are related to each other.

Sonny is a tangle of legs. 

He had just tripped on his own legs, knocking down another boy on his way, he couldn't see who it was, as the costumes Sonny was previously carrying were now on his head. After composing himself after falling, Sonny becomes a mumbling mess. 

"Oh my Gosh," he says, his lisp coming out, making him go even more red, "I'm so sorry!"

The kid underneath the clothes wrestles against them, trapped. "Help me out!" he says, his voice cracking as he rises his volume.

Carisi crawls towards him as he helps him untangle himself. When he takes off the skirt covering his eyes, he freezes. 

_His eyes are the prettiest thing Sonny has ever seen._ They hold eye contact for a bit longer than it's adequate, until the guy smirks at Sonny. He looks at him in a way that makes Sonny's stomach go wild. Is this love at first sight?

Finally, the guy breaks the moment Sonny was enjoying so much "So," he says, his voice confident and smooth, "do you mind helping me get up?" Sonny shakes his head and stands up rapidly, which causes him to tumble a little. He's still getting used to having grown so much in the past summer. He offers his hand to the guy, who takes it and pushes himself up. 

Even as the guy is standing up, Sonny continues holding his hand. The other kid holds it back for a bit, until screaming starts from on stage and the guy points at the hands with his eyes. Sonny blushes and lets go off the hand. The guy smiles at him. "I'm Rafael," he says, then he looks at Sonny, expecting an introduction from him.

"U-uh, I'm Dominick" he offers a dorky smile, "But uh, call me Sonny," his lisp comes out again.

Rafael stares him up and down, a clear aura of confidence radiating from him, Sonny bets he's one of the actors, and makes a mental note to check the callback announcement. 

"Fitting." Rafael says, as he lifts one eyebrow. And Sonny thought his face was expressive, this tiny guy had already told him so much with only looks and smirks. 

"Uh, thanks," Sonny mentally beats himself for showcasing his lisp in front of the cutest guy he has ever seen. 

“So, Sonny, wha-“ A yell calling out for costumes interrupts them. Sonny picks up the uniforms as quickly as possible 

“Sorry,” he says, sounding dorkier than ever, “see you around, Rafael,” he gives him an earnest smile. Rafael lifts up his chin, with the words left unsaid lingering on his throat. Sonny runs towards the stage, sneaking one last look towards Rafael.

 _What just happened?_ Rafael thought as he heads to the changing room.  
________________________________________

For the last week, Rafael had been discreetly looking for the tall blonde to no avail. 

He didn't understand what had happened that day backstage, but he knew he wanted to see more of Sonny's face. He had gone through the tech team list, finding Dominick in the list and looking him up on instagram and perhaps using his hands on himself while he scrolled through his selfies. 

Walking through backstage, clutching his script, full of notes and miscellaneous papers, something crashes against him, causing a sharp pain to go through his hip.

" _Carajo,_ " Rafael frowns, angry at the pain, he turns to see the idiot who bumped into him. As he turns, his anger dissolves and a smile appears on his face, "Oh! Hi Sonny! Fancy seeing you here," To this, Sonny blushes. He was already embarrassed of bumping into Rafael _again_ , and seeing him glad to see him didn’t help his hormonal self. 

“Sorry for bumping you again,” Sonny blurts out “I’m so clumsy” he beats himself up for how strong his lisp sounds around people he wants to be friends with. 

“I’m fine, Sonny,” Rafa offers him a warm smile, “I was actually hoping to run into you again...” he lets out the last word smoothly. Sonny gives him a big smile, showing his braces, Rafael feels butterflies in his stomach, _he's so cute, fuck_ he thinks to himself. 

They stare into each others eyes in silence for a while, and Rafael wishes this moment would last forever. But he knows it won't, so he decides to be brave "So, Sonny, would you like to grab a milkshake when today's rehearsal is over?" he blurts out, and his palms are sweating from anticipation. 

Sonny is excited, and he's scared the words won't come out right and Rafa will make fun of him, but he has to answer quickly before his potential friend thinks he's hesitating hanging out with him for the first time, "That'd be cool," _great, no lisp_ he thinks, "lemme ask my mom," he offers Rafa a smile, he wants him to know he's looking forward to it.

Rafael nods, "Great," he says, and clutches his script tighter, "I'll wait for you by the maple, we can walk together from there," he says, and upon seeing Sonny nod after texting his mom, he leaves to compare notes with the rest of the cast. 

_____________________________________________

Sonny finds Rafael pretending to scroll through his phone under the maple in front of the school, "You ready to go?" he asks when Rafael puts his phone in his jeans pocket upon seeing him.

Sonny lets out a sneeze, and he shivers a little, "I forgot to bring a jacket today," he says, his nose stuffy. Rafael proceeds to take off his hoodie and hand it to him, Sonny tries to refuse it, but Rafael insists and tells him he won't put it back on and that "It'd be awkward for both of us if I just walk with a hoodie on my hand while you're cold, won't it?" and oh well, Sonny accepts and thinks to himself he really hit the jackpot when he bumped into this guy the first time. He puts it on and zips it all the way, thanking Rafael several times.

They walk in silence at first, and it's weirdly not awkward at all, but Sonny is yearning to know more about this short guy, "What do you do in the play?" he asks, he knows Rafael isn't in the tech team, as he knows everybody there, and he isn't in the main cast, either. 

"I'm the understudy for Johnny," Rafael says, Sonny is impressed; they are producing _"Fourth Graders Present: An Unnamed Love-Suicide"_ , Johnny is the lead, "so if you wanna push Chris down a flight of stairs, I won't complain," he jokes, Sonny snorts. 

"I'd love to see you play him instead of Chris," Sonny says, he bites the inside of his cheek, "Chris is mean to me."

"Like I said, you're more than welcome to push him down the stairs," Rafa says "and what do you do, besides carry an unreasonable amount of clothes from one end of backstage to the other?" 

Sonny licks his lips, thinking his words carefully, he really doesn't want Rafael to notice how nervous he is about talking to him, "I do a little bit of everything, but mostly I just run from one place to another, and clash against stuff," he lets out a laugh at his own joke, making Rafael smile, "my mom is so proud of me getting involved in theatre, she invited my whole family – we're Italians, so that's a lot of family," 

"Only my mom is coming," Rafael confesses, "my father puts me down because _I'm not technically the lead_ ," he stops and, upon some consideration, decides to open up a little to his new friend, feeling he will understand, " and he says theatre is for _faggots_." Sonny winces at that last word; it brings him painful memories. He wants to ask Rafael so many things, but he's not good with words. And he doesn't want to scare him away. 

They continue to walk until they reach the milkshake establishment, Rafael opens the door and lets Sonny walk in first, which makes him blush. They sit at a two person table, and order their 'shakes; Rafael orders a strawberry one, and Sonny an Oreo surprise. 

Sonny decides to reopen the conversation, "So, do you agree?" he asks, he closes his hands together under the table; it's not like him to ask bold questions.

"I beg your pardon?" Rafael rises an eyebrow, unsure of what exactly Sonny is asking him.

"With your father," Sonny looks at him eagerly. 

Rafael widens his eyes, "God, no," the waiter brings him their drinks, he grabs his and stirs it lightly, "he's an asshole."

Sonny lets out a sigh of relief, but realizes Rafael didn't answer the question he was hiding under the original one. He'd have to wait for another chance. For now, he'd just have to get to know him at surface level, even after the piece of his soul Rafael had ( _maybe unintentionally?_ Sonny ponders) showed him when he opened up about his father. 

"What's your favorite movie?" Sonny asks.

Rafael thinks for a second, looking up to the celling and taking a sip of his milkshake– the restaurant didn't give them straws, so a bit of whipped cream ends on his upper lip, and he licks it off, Sonny feels electricity traveling through his spine, "West Side Story," he replies, and licks the whip cream off his shake, "yours?"

"Die Hard" Sonny says, "What do you wanna do when you grow up?"

"What is this, 20 Questions?" Rafa teases, Sonny smiles, "I want to be a prosecutor, y'know, help people... It'd be nice," he drinks from his milkshake, "what about you?"

Sonny thinks for a moment, he spoons the entirety of the whipped cream and eats it, "I'm not sure," he confesses, "but what you just said? About helping people? Yeah, that sounds nice," he smirks and huffs a little laugh. 

Rafael gives him an encouraging look "You've already helped me," he says, Sonny gives him a questioning look, and Rafael shakes his head, "I mean, the whole theatre company... by being tech." Rafael rushes his words. He then tries to salvage his statement by talking about miscellaneous things regarding the show. 

_Is he... nervous? God I really want to hold his hand. Would that be weird?_ Sonny starts overthinking, he bites the interior of his lower lip while he listens to Rafa, trying his best to catch his every word and not drift away.

"Rafa," Sonny says without thinking, _can he even call him that yet?_ "it's okay," 

Rafael has a distressed look all over himself, he finishes his drink, licks his lips, and decides to continue with small talk, trying not to say anything dumb again, "So, your family's Italian? Mine's Cuban, I'm first generation, they escaped Cuba before I was born, I've never been, obviously and..." _God,_ Sonny could hear him talk for forever.

__________________________

When Sonny finishes his milkshake, Rafael pays, not even allowing Sonny to take out his wallet. Then Rafa asks him where he lives, and upon hearing it's closer than his house, he offers to walk him home. Sonny obliges, wanting to spend more time with his friend. They continue talking about shows they've seen, and about music they like. They don't have much in common, but they both do enjoy watching Judge Judy, both emphasizing that _only when there's nothing else on TV_. When they finally get to Sonny's doorstep, Rafael wonders to himself if Sonny even realized this was meant to be a date. He assumes he doesn't, since he keeps calling him 'dude', but regardless, he's happy he got to spend time with the blond. He hugs Sonny goodbye and asks him if he'll see him in rehearsal on Saturday, Sonny enthusiastically nods, "I'll be helping with audio!" he says with a big smile, and _damn it_ , Rafael wants to kiss him so bad. But he resists the urge. He doesn't want to ruin a perfect day just because of an impulse. 

Sonny closes the door, and Rafael begins walking home. That night, he dreams of Sonny Carisi.

And Sonny sleeps clutching on to Rafa's sweater.  
______________________________

Rehearsals on Saturday aren't Sonny's cup of tea, he values sleep a little too much. 

However, the polar opposite seems to be true for Rafael Barba. He's all smiles and hands different people coffee, including Sonny, who's never had hot coffee on his life. He doesn't want Rafa to know this, so he takes a big sip and burns his tongue, Rafa chuckles and continues handing out coffees. Sonny really doesn't know how he's supposed to finish this drink. He lays it aside and fidgets with the audio controls. 

The rehearsal starts, and Rafael sits next to Sonny to watch the run through of the whole show. Rafa lightly teases Sonny under his breath, and Sonny lets out a too-loud-chuckle that makes everyone around them shush them. Rafael rolls his eyes and holds Sonny's arm, who can feel goosebumps under Rafael's touch. He silently thanks his guardian angel for helping him not forget to bring a hoodie that day. _Rafael's hoodie_ as a matter of fact. He hopes he doesn't mind, and just as he thinks that, Rafael grabs the fabric, sees it's indeed his hoodie, and tells him it looks good on him, and _he winks_ , Sonny can feel his heart racing and hopes Rafael can't feel it, but he's cuddling up to his arm, watching the show, and if he notices, he doesn't say anything. 

The show ends and they all cheer. Only a few mistakes occurred, namely Chris' fault. Sonny can tell he's only doing this because of how many girls there are in the theatre company, and he hates him for it. He honestly thinks Rafa would be better in the role, and he tells him so. Rafael smiles, trying to brush it off. But Sonny insists. "Actually, I'd love to see you perform as him, would you like to come over my house and show me your lines after this is over?" he says without even thinking.

Rafael's look is inscrutable. Sonny is about to beat himself up, but then Rafael replies, "Sure," he says, a bit confused, "we can walk together, is your mom okay with that?"

"I'm gonna have to ask her, but I bet she'll be happy, I never have friends over," Sonny shrugs, "or girlfriends," he awaits to see Rafa's reaction to this, still trying to figure out if he likes boys too. Rafa just presses his lips and nods. 

"Everyone get your scripts out!" the teacher says, "We need to make some mild changes to dialogue!"

Rafael gets out his script and a blue pen, and Sonny is once again left in the dark.

____________________________

The walk to Sonny's place is just Rafa and Sonny talking about the play and musicals they've seen and being overly expressive with their hands; normal conversation between a latino and an italian. Rafael has seen more than Sonny, who just got into theatre because he needed something to do and he had enjoyed the productions the school had done in the past. 

When they get to the door, Rafael's palms are sweating, he has never met the parents of a guy (or girl) he wanted to date. In fact, the only family he saw often outside of his own was Alejandro's, and even if they had kissed in the past, he really, really wasn't interested in his Cuban friend. Sonny had prepared him by saying they were: 'very Italian, very loud, very affectionate', which Rafael assumed he'd be used to if he had an actual large Cuban family, instead of just having his parents and his abuela. 

They enter Sonny's house, "I'm home!" Sonny says, and Rafael swears his accent got stronger as soon as they walked through the door. Two girls emerge from the stairs, they take a peak at Rafael and after analyzing him for some seconds, they turn to look at Sonny, "Who's this?" they ask Sonny. 

"Teresa, Bella, this is Rafael Barba," he says, and it's the first time Rafael has heard him say his last name, and he has to bite his lip to prevent a smile.

"Oh! Hello then!" Teresa says, "Thanks for befriending Dominick here, it's been literal years since he's had a friend over!" Sonny throws her a killer look. 

"And you're so handsome!" Bella says, "You single?"

Rafael chuckles and nods, to Sonny's relief. "Girls, stop pestering him!" he says, to which they just laugh, "Where's ma and pa?" 

"They went buy more stuff to eat, since you invited your friend over," Bella says.

"Am I an inconvenience?" Rafael says, eyes wide, "I really don't mean to intrude,"

"Rafael, don't be ridiculous, I invited you over," Sonny puts his hand on Rafael's shoulder, "now, let's go up to my room,"

Rafael gives a polite nod to the girls as they pass them through the stairs.

Sonny shuts the door after he enters his room along with Rafa, who is looking around the messy room. Sonny jumps to sit on bed, and he rises his eyebrows at Rafael. "This room is very you," Rafa says with a smile.

"What you mean?" 

"I mean, it has your essence," Rafael takes off his jacket, "by the way, you can keep my sweater, seems you like it," he teases, making Sonny blush, but he complies to that, he loves how the hoodie smells of Rafael.

Sonny clears his throat, "So, will you show me your acting?" he says, letting his elbows support his sitting in bed.

"Okay," Rafael takes a deep breath, he shakes his arms a little and looks into a far off point, Sonny tries to see what he's staring at, but just then, he begins.

"Tell Sally,  
That the kiss awoke me like a Sleepy Beauty  
And tell her that it awoke my like for her  
And stopped my like for Rachel  
Tell her to meet me here as soon as she can  
Tell her I will be here  
Tell her I will be waiting for her  
Tell her I will be waiting for her here to claim my true girlfriend, Her  
But tell her  
To make it more exciting  
And mysterious  
Tell her to go into the costume closet and get the Rabbit Head  
The Rabbit Head from the Aesop Presentation the Fifth Graders did  
Tell her to put on the Rabbit Head  
And meet me there  
And I will be wearing  
The head of the Turtle  
Tell her that"

Sonny feels like kissing him, and he's about to stand up, risk it all, but Rafael moves on to a different dialogue. 

"No  
Don't say things of that kind  
Don't  
You will see  
I will avenge us  
And we will like-like each other again  
It will be fine  
Like it was"

With that, Rafael is done and takes a bow, Sonny claps.

"You're so much better than Chris," he says, Rafa sits to his side in bed, Sonny puts his hand on top of Rafa's, and he doesn't flinch. In fact, he turns it and intertwines their fingers. 

They sit in silence for a bit, holding hands, Sonny is sure Rafa can hear his breathing, but he doesn't seem to mind. Just when Sonny is about to make a question, they get called for dinner downstairs. Sonny curses in his brain.

They separate hands when they stand up, they sit next to each other at the table after Sonny introduces Rafael to his parents, who are very pleased about Sonny _finally_ having a friend over. 

Rafael complies with the small talk with the Carisis, he tells them how the show is opening in two weeks, and how they have every afternoon of next week booked with tech week. He also tells them a bit about how his family escaped Castro's dictatorship, to which the Carisis respond with their own parent's escape from Mussolini. Which leads to a very interesting talk about the far-left vs. the far-right. Sonny could hardly keep up, Rafa was indeed very passionate about this subject. Sonny wishes he could hold his hand again, but he's using them to better express himself. Sonny just stares at him in awe, which doesn't go unnoticed by Teresa, who makes the note to tease him about his crush later.

"God, Sonny, you should date this guy," his mother says, bringing him back from his daydreaming, "he's amazing."

Rafael smiles, while Sonny is flustered "You're so very kind Ms. Carisi."

 _Again, no comment on sexuality_ , Carisi takes a deep breath.

The dinner ends shortly afterwards. Rafael goes up to Sonny's room to pick up his jacket, and kindly thanks the Carisis for the lovely evening. He hugs Sonny goodbye, and promises to see him on Monday at rehearsal. Sonny is still a mess from his mom's comment, but Rafael decides not to mention it. 

On the doorway, he smiles and sighs. It was crystal clear Sonny liked him from the beginning, and this evening just proved it forward. 

He just hoped he liked him _enough_

Meanwhile, in his room, Sonny cuddles Rafa's hoodie, going through the events of the day, and deciding that all things considered, Rafael probably isn't straight; after all, he had intertwined their fingers together, and he didn't freak out when his mom outted Sonny to him, _and_ he had cuddled Sonny's arm during rehearsal... Maybe it was just him being latino. 

Anyway, Sonny needed confirmation Rafael could fall in love with someone like him.

____________________________

Next week was tech week, so Rafael could barely see Sonny outside of quick 'hellos' when they passed each other, Sonny usually sprinting to get somewhere else. Rafael was upset they couldn't talk, but happy they could see each other at all. Tech week was hell for all of them.

On Saturday, they have their last tech rehearsal before moving on to 'previews'; as in, performing the play in front of the freshmen on Tuesday and juniors on Thursday. They'd open on Friday. The teacher told Rafael Chris couldn't make it to Thursday's presentation since he had a volleyball game he couldn't miss. 

He tells Sonny the news when he finds him opening his locker on Monday, Sonny gives him a huge smile, braces and all. He is so excited the next words out of his mouth come out as a mumble, "Imma tell my family to come on Thursday instead then! The Carisi clan supports you! They haven't stopped talking about you since your visit!" Rafael blushes at this, he has never had anyone be proud of him; even his mom appreciated his friend Alejandro more than she admired her own son. He wasn't even sure he wanted his mom to come see him; he felt she would just correct him on what he did wrong, as she always did. But he knew the Carisis would cheer on him, and treat him as one of their own.

It was comforting. 

________________________

Thursday finally arrives, and Rafael is a mess. He feels as if the tie is strangling him, and when he peaks to see the audience, he lets out a yelp. _There are so many people out there._ It's his first time performing as the lead character. He's able to spot the Carisis, the only family in the audience aside from his mother and abuela (his father smacked him in the back of his head and told him he wouldn't watch his son make a fool out of himself– he's used to this). 

Sonny comes from behind him and pokes Rafael's side, making him jump. "There's my star," he says, "my parents brought you flowers, and I'm pretty sure Bella wants to propose marriage to you when she sees you." Sonny teases.

Rafael chuckles, "Not really my type, but I appreciate the intention," he says, and he peaks into the audience one last time, "there are so many juniors in this school," he exhales loudly.

"C'mon, Rafael," Sonny says, and Rafael swears his eyes glisten, "you'll do great,"

Rafael feels tension escape his body upon hearing Sonny's words, _God_ , that scraggly kid could make everything feel okay by saying his name with that stupid accent of his, "Thank you for being a friend, Sonny," he gives him an honest smile. 

The third curtain call is pronounced, and Rafael gets out to perform.

"Okay  
Hello  
Ummm  
Johnny wrote this before he shot himself  
Ummm  
It talks bad about the Fifth Graders  
I hope we don't offend the Fifth Graders  
Ummm  
We all talked about it  
And we liked your presentation  
Fifth Graders..."

______________________

After the performance, Sonny jumps to give Rafael a huge hug, wrapping him around his long arms. "You were amazing! I cried! See?" he points at his eyes, which are a little red. Rafael blushes at this. Fuck, Sonny looks so cute. He once again considers kissing him, but the moment's not right, and he needs it to be perfect, as perfect as Sonny is in his eyes. He wants him, and he can't afford to lose him. Not today, not ever. 

He felt something from the moment he saw him for the first time, helping him remove the skirt depraving him of oxygen. Those feelings only got stronger as he learned more and more things about the blond Italian. At first, he thought maybe he could just jerk the feelings away. But that wasn't it. Sure, he was _very_ sexually attracted to Sonny, scrawniness and all. But there was more than that. He made him feel comfortable in his own skin, and that, that was magical. He felt invincible when he saw the way Sonny looked at him. And he had a feeling Sonny felt something similar, too. 

By the exit, Rafael sees his family, who congratulate him with some kisses, his mom ready to give him notes on how to improve. But Rafael doesn't want that, not when he's this happy.

He goes up to the Carisis, who bombard him with love and hand him a bouquet of flowers. He could get used to their praise. After some minutes of them complimenting him and him sincerely thanking them, he politely says goodbye to Sonny's family. They walk away and he stays alone with Sonny. Who's looking down at his feet, shifting them. 

"You really were great, Rafa," Sonny says, not looking at Rafael, "I hope you know that,"

"Sonny," Rafael says, grabbing his chin, making him look at him, "there's no need for you to be shy around me, we're friends." he smiles.

Sonny bites his lower lip and nods, feeling unsure of himself. Seeing Rafael on stage was great, but it reminded him how much he would never be good enough for him, and those feelings arose after seeing his own family hype him up. Truth was, Rafael was everything, and Sonny was barely something. 

Rafael can see him struggling, and he pulls him in for a hug, Sonny hides his face in Rafael's neck crook, he breathes in to take the smell of his cologne. There's the faint sour smell of sweat as well, but Sonny doesn't mind. He feels safe with Rafael, and that's what matters, he sighs, letting go of all the negativity that had momentarily plagued him.

"Dominick!" yells a voice from the entrance, "Let's go!" it's Sonny's mom. Rafael lets Sonny off and rubs his arm dearingly, Sonny gives him a sincere smile, and runs off to meet with his family. 

Rafa thinks about this moment all night long.  
_____________________

The next day, during the official performance, Sonny rests his head in Rafael's shoulder, and they both watch in silence. Sonny is sobbing by intermission, holding on to Rafael's arm. 

Rafael gently rubs his back, and Sonny just holds him tighter. Then, he decides to finally ask Rafael a question that's been lingering on his mind since the day they had milkshakes together, "Rafi?" he says, Rafael mutters a low 'Hm?' as a response, "Do you like anyone?" he lets go of his arm and turns to look at the brunette. 

Rafael tenses up, turns to look Sonny, stares deep into eyes, and licks his lips, he lets the question hang for a bit, letting his own look answer it. Sonny can feel his heartbeat on his throat, he bites his lower lip. Rafael breaks the silence, "Do you?" he raises his eyebrows and tilts his head.

"Can I kiss you?" Sonny blurts out, not even minding how strong his lisp comes out. Rafael nods. And Sonny's nervous. Because he's never kissed a boy. He has never kissed anyone before. And he has never wanted to kiss anyone but Rafael. And Rafael's leaning towards him, and Sonny has to bend down to reach him. 

And Rafael's heart is racing. He has never kissed anyone either. When they reach each other, their noses clash, and they chuckle. They can't seem to stop bumping into each other. They tilt their heads to get their noses out of the way. And there's electricity when the space between their lips is closed. They shift their heads a little, to create movement between them, and after a few seconds, they interrupt the kiss to smile and look at each other, both ecstatic _that_ finally happened, and Rafael leans in again to continue, Sonny obliges and Rafael asks for entrance as he licks Sonny's lower lip, sending a shiver through Sonny's body. He lets Rafael in, feeling his tongue brush his, and _holy_ , it's the best feeling in the world. Sonny pushes his face closer to Rafa's, desperate to get all of him, and he can feel the vibrations of Rafa laughing on his mouth. Sonny has to pull away to smile again, his forehead pressed against Rafael's. In that moment, they're each others whole world. 

"Tell me," Rafa says, in a smooth whisper, "why didn't we do this on our first date?"

Sonny widens his eyes, " _That was a date?_ " 

Rafa mockingly rolls his eyes "No, Sonny, I happen to like paying for the milkshakes of every blond, tall, Italian I meet. Of course it was a date!" 

"Well then," Sonny says, grabbing the back of Rafa's neck, "fancy going on a second one after act two?" 

Rafael laughs and nods, kissing Sonny again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment or something if u fancy :p
> 
> Shoutout to my boyfriend @sonny_carisi in twitter, without him these would just be drabbles. 
> 
>  
> 
> twitter: @adarafabarba
> 
> Pls comment and leave kudos if u like these, I'm starving and need validation to write more.
> 
> Borrowed two lines from chapter 61 of Carry On by Rainbow Rowell uwu


	3. somewhere only we know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sleepover at liv's house with some character study of a bunch of characters
> 
> tw: implied child abuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> repost bc i wasnt convinced of the first time i posted so i turned it barisi bc duh.

"dios mío, rafael" nick says, "you did _what_?"

everyone in the cafeteria table is staring at him, "uh," rafael says "i let a guy choke me in debate team?"

"that is not a normal sentence" olivia says, taking a sip of her milk, "hope you're aware of that"

rafael shrugs, "i won the debate" he takes a bite of his pizza

everyone lets out an exasperated sigh, "rafael," fin says, "you can't just do anything to win"

"i can try" rafael offers his classic lopsided smirk.

sonny can feel himself starting to blush, so he tries to focus on his food, but mike notices and nudges him, teasing him, "shut up" he whispers.

"anyways" liv says, changing the subject, "my mom said yes to the sleepover on friday" she gives them a wide smile.

fin nods, and john does the same when he catches him do it. olivia swears john would follow fin to the end of the world.

"i have to ask my mom" sonny says.

"i'm in" rafael says, and sonny mentally makes the note to really sell his case for his mom, knowing he'll get to spend the night with his crush.

"then i am too" nick says.

nick and rafael had grown up pretty much side by side, sticking together as the only cubanos in their year, talking in spanish in class to annoy their teachers and always hanging out after school. they were pretty much always side by side. sonny used to be worried that there were other feelings, but nick had proven to be rather straight with his blatant flirting with different girls.

"thank god" amanda says, rising her hands dramatically "i really need to get away from my family for a night"

mike nods, "well i'm pretty sure we're all going" he gives a smile to liv.

mike was pretty much sonny's best friend, he is the only one who knows about his crush on rafael. they had even tried to date in freshman year, as they were the only trans guys on the grade, but it never worked out between them.

mike nudges sonny again as he takes a bite of his home made sandwich "i'll talk to your mom if you need me to." sonny just nods and pleads with his eyes. his mom has never allowed for sleepovers if mike's not attending. mike has protected sonny since middle school, he's been boxing since elementary school, so kids are scared of him.

liv smiles, "it's a plan, then"

\------------

sonny walks next to nick and rafael's lockers, expecting to strike up conversation with rafael. however, he appears to be having a heated argument with nick.

"vamo' nick, por mí"

"rafael," nick closes his locker and faces the smaller cuban, "sabes que no puedo"

"pero mi padre..."

"lo sé," nick interrupts him, "tienes que aprender a defender por tu cuenta, rafa. you are killer in debate team, úsalo."

rafael sighs deeply, "me estás matando, nick"

nick shrugs and walks away. rafael leans against his locker, sonny is unsure of whether or not to admit he saw this dialogue exchange. from his spanish I classes, he understood a few words, but he couldn't understand what they meant with no context as to what rafael was asking nick to do.

however, seeing rafael in so much distress, sonny knows better than to try to converse with him, he is too insecure to try to comfort him. so he just walks away.

\------------

rafael always dreads going home. 

school is a sort of safe haven for him. he gets by just fine. he has a group of friends he can hang out with, even if they don't know everything about him. and his sharp tongue has gotten him a reputation he is proud of.

but at home none of that matters.

he freezes up as he's about to enter the apartment. he's considered running away more than a few times. but he can't leave his mother alone with the monster he has for a father. all he can do is step in when he gets aggressive, and work his ass off to get the hell away from him.  
he sighs, clenches his hands into fists and turns the knob, chin up. ready to face his father. he'll get out of here someday, but whether that is in a bodybag or a bus to massachussets, he doesn't know. 

\------------

sonny would argue his mom is overprotective. she doesn't let him out much, due to his many allergies and other afflictions. 

he's surprised she accepted so quickly that he's not a girl. after years spent in doctor's offices, she knew she couldn't just ignore this. 

so he's been on t for little over a year now.

his father isn't as accepting as his mother, but he signed all the papers required. and he cried when sonny picked 'dominick' as his chosen name.

having mike in his life had always felt like a blessing. michael, a name he picked for himself, means 'gift from god', and that's just how sonny feels about him. even if they're not meant together, sonny knows he can always rely on mike. 

sitting down on the table, the carisis say grace before their dinner, sonny joins his hands together, and closes his eyes, saying the words he knows by heart "bless us, o Lord, and these, Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty. through Christ, our Lord. amen."

the urge to run away from his family sometimes consumes sonny, but the catholic guilt his parents have pushed into him consume him. he feels trapped.

\------------

nick understands rafael all too well. 

rafael invites him over often, since his father won't get violent when he's around, as nick is the masculine son he always wanted. it's a sweet arrangement, since then nick doesn't have to be with his abusive father longer than absolutely necessary. he always wonders if every cuban kid in new york city experiences the same, but he seriously hopes that's not the case. 

they're friends for many reasons, but nick thinks the main one might be necessity. he's the muscle, always ready to fight anyone who crosses him, whereas rafael has a sharp tongue and has gotten him out of detention more than once.

nick has so much anger inside him, and he's not sure what to do with all of it. he's scared he'll snap one day and rafael won't be able to help him. 

there's just so much to be angry about on his life, and so little to be happy about.

\------------

john's father recently committed suicide. john thinks it was his fault, since it happened after he told him he hated his guts.

to call the late pete munch an awful father would've been too kind for him. john still woke up in cold sweat, even after moving from baltimore to new york city, afraid his past would catch up to him. upon his arrival to his new high school, he immediately latched on to fin, as he understood his sense of humor and he was a great complement to john. he let him be himself, and john really felt listened to with fin. 

john is lanky and tall, with glasses with huge frames. this makes him an easy target to bullies. he's had to grown thick skin to protect himself for them. 

he likes the mystery that surrounds him. he hasn't opened up about himself to any of his friends. dominick, michael, and amanda are pretty much open books. liv and nick act like they are, but they clearly are hiding something (or maybe john is just paranoic), and fin is like john, never talking about personal stuff.

\------------

mike learned to care for himself a long time ago. he feels like he lives alone, since his father is never home, being a detective for vice, and his mother lives in another city with his brother. 

he sometimes feels that their separation was his fault. even if they always fought and overall couldn't stand each other, it was only when mike came out at age 13 that his mother packed up her stuff and left with his brother. she could never look at mike again, and she only called when necessary, and she had never, ever, called him 'mike', she just avoided any gendered words for him, and it felt like a gut punch to mike every single time.

he had started taking boxing classes since he was in elementary school, his father, the cop he is, insisting on the importance of knowing how to defend yourself. when he came out, his father's reaction simply was "good thing you know how to defend yourself, then." mike knew he was luckier than most, but learning to accept your mother doesn't love you because of something you absolutely have no control over breaks his heart every. damn. time.

he's sure he'll learn to live with it, he thinks as he takes off his binder in his room's privacy.

\------------

fin cares, he cares a lot. 

he cares about his friends, he cares about his family.

but sometimes he feels it's just not enough. 

life just hadn't been the same for him since he saw his mother get murdered right in front of his eyes. he had become more reclusive, unable to really express his feelings. feeling like he doesn't have a support system, feeling like he doesn't fit in with the rest of his peers. unaware that they're all suffering on their own personal ways. 

caring only gets you so far.

\------------

amanda moved from georgia only a few months ago, and things hadn't changed much. she was constantly picking at her skin, she didn't think it was possible to actually _hear_ how someone had given up, but every night she heard her mother go further down that hole. her sister was helpless, and amanda truly believed there was no chance for them. 

so she escapes any way she knows how to, which now is holding on to her group of friends. and binge watching trash tv, drowning her mothers sobs.

\------------

olivia learned from a very young age she wasn't wanted. and her mother never missed the opportunity to let her know this. olivia feels she takes out the frustration of what happened to her. she overheard her talk in the phone about how she didn't think she could ever love her, as she was the result of a terrible act.

olivia tries to not let this consume her, to keep her head held high and keep on going. because she doesn't know what happens if she stops. 

\------------

the day of the sleepover arrived soon enough. 

sonny was packing up his stuff for the night; surprisingly, mike hadn’t needed many arguments to convince his mother to let him go. mike’s presence seemed to suffice for her. 

his overnight bag included his black binder, a toothbrush, a change of clothes, his t shot as he had them on saturdays, his blanket, a pillow, and the baggiest pijamas he could find.

the mere thought of letting people see him without his binder on terrified him. he only ever took it off at home as to not damage his ribs. he was even excused from pe as per his physician request. 

but these were his friends, at the end of the day, and if anyone stared he knew he could stand up for himself. they’ve never asked any uncomfortable questions to him nor to mike. so he was relaxed. being seen was scary, nonetheless.

mike picks him up at 7, and they take the subway to olivia’s house. 

they’re the last ones to arrive.

the sleepover is in liv’s tv room. She had removed any couch or desk and replaced it with mattresses and sleeping bags. every one brought their own blanket/pillow. sonny felt his heart race upon setting eyes on Rafael. His hair was product free for once, it looked so fluffy. Sonny wanted to run his hands all over it, feel the softness. but he knows he can’t. he knows he likes boys, but nothing guarantees he likes _him_.

Sonny and mike choose a corner to settle themselves in.

“You know,” mike says, “this would be a perfect opportunity for you to bond with mr. choking kink over there,” 

sonny rolls his eyes, “he was trying to win an argument, doesn’t mean he liked it,” mike shrugs. sonny stares unashamed at Rafael, who looks over him and gives him a lopsided smirk. Sonny looks away, bites his lower lip, and attempts to hide his blush. mike pushes him, “go with him,” sonny gives him a worried look, mike rolls his eyes, “I can stay on my own, carisi, now go,” he pushes him while raf approaches sonny.

“hi,” sonny says, showing a sincere smile and letting his braces show. raf smiles with teeth, a rare sight given that his teeth were crooked. sonny liked this about him, he always thought it was cute how the guy who pretended nothing got to him had this unspoken insecurity. and now he was letting sonny in. sonny wasn’t sure if it meant something. but knowing rafael, rarely anything he did meant less than.

they sit next to each other while liv pops on a movie. john claimed horror movies gave him tachycardia, so they decided on something lighter: legally blonde.

and sonny is glad he had the guts to sit next to raf, because his comments throughout are incredible. he dreams of attending harvard, “i don’t have a rich father though,” he says, sonny pretends he doesn’t notice his eyes getting darker upon mentioning him. sonny assures him he’ll get in and even get a full scholarship. raf just laughs. and it’s heavenly. 

between whispers, sonny admits to raf he also wishes to become a lawyer, “I’m not that smart, though,” raf playfully pushes him, “you’re brilliant, aren’t you the favorite to become secretary general on the model un club for next year?” sonny blushes, he hardly thought anybody payed attention when he talked during lunch, “you’re brilliant, sonny” sonny smiles.

when the movie ends, they all change to their pijamas. sonny and mike, needing extra room to do so, get inside liv’s room.

“so?” mike says, wiggling his eyebrows, “i saw you both were all cozy,”

sonny rolls his eyes as he takes off his binder and feels himself able to breathe freely again, “he listens to me, so there’s that,” mike smiles as he gets his own baggy shirt on. his chest was significantly flatter than sonny’s. barely even noticeable. sonny knew mike could qualify for keyhole surgery, and while he was happy for his best friend, it also caused a pang of jealousy on his system. 

when they both return, sonny’s covering his chest with his arms. nobody present except for mike has seen him without his binder on, and it’s making himself vulnerable, making himself visible as a trans person what’s scary to him. 

raf signals him over, and sonny goes over to him, “it’s okay,” rafa says. sonny lays down on the sleeping bag, “may I?” rafael asks, sonny nods and rafa positions himself behind him and wraps his arm around his stomach. sonny feels his heart beating hard against his chest. in one night, he had gotten more than he ever expected from rafael. he was more than content. he lets himself go and feel rafael’s body against his, his breathing steadily going calmer, as he fell asleep.

all was good, even if it was just for one night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment n kudos appreciated x. sorry this was dark then turned fluffy
> 
> s/o to snnycarisi for giving me the movie idea jeje
> 
> twitter: @rafaelbarbae


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